White Christmas
by Rei Kurasaki
Summary: Sendol and Rukawa. Christmas.


White Christmas  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Slam Dunk. I sure as hell wish I did, but I don't Inoue Takehiko-sama does.  
  
Warnings: This fic is shounen-ai. If you don't know the meaning, don't read. I don't want to be accused of polluting young minds.  
  
Rukawa  
  
I look at the smiling spiky hair boy next to me and frown. Again. How many times have I been frowning? I don't remember. Heck, I frown every single time he smiles. Why? Because he's always so happy. Why is he always so happy? I look at the dark velvet sky above me; just my luck, it's probably not going to snow either. Needless to say, I'm not happy.  
  
He laughs, what is that baka laughing about? He says it's cold. I know, I snapped at him, I feel bad; he's always been nice to me. I wonder why? Why he's always nice to me. I'm not a nice person, I know, I never care, I never will. He turns and gives me a grin, his dark blue eyes flashing. He is handsome, I know, everyone knows. His eyes are always flashing, so happy, even when he's playing a game. He'll make a great leader.  
  
I look up at the dark sky again cursing, why doesn't it snow? What's Christmas without snow? It's like.Shohoku without that do'aho Sakuragi. I feel him near me; why did he ask me out I wonder? We had never spoken to each other, ok, he has spoken to me a few times, and usually I just grunt in reply. I'm not a talker. Not like him.  
  
I look at him again, there's that smile again, on his face. It never goes away. I kind of like it. His smile I mean. It's warm. I wonder why he's always so warm. I wonder if I like him. I don't know. Really. Although I admit, his name haunts me. Everyday. Sendol. Sendol Akira. It's nice, a very nice name. Maybe.I do like him after all.  
  
Sendol  
  
I sighed inwardly as I watch the stoic raven-hair boy next to me. I've tried everything, from talking to smiling to even giggling. But he never cracks that face. I wonder why? Will it crack? His face I mean. Suddenly I have a vision of Rukawa's face cracking into small little pieces. I giggle slightly. Oh dear, there's that frown again. I'm tempted to brush his cheek, his pale cheek, so smooth, like.porcelain.  
  
I wonder what he thinks of me? Koshino called me an idiot; saying how I should be a man and make my move, rather than moping around the court with that "damn stupid lovelorn" look on my face. Absently, I wonder if I do look stupid. Maybe Kaede hates me; maybe he thinks I'm stupid too.  
  
Kaede. I can't believe I'm calling him Kaede now. Will he kill me if I call him Kaede? His eyes, those icy blue eyes of his. How beautiful they are, they remind me of the ocean. The calm icy depths of the ocean. Always so calm, so reserved, so icy. I wonder what it'll take for those eyes to give something away.  
  
He looks at me again and I flash a sunny smile at him. He stares at me stonily, and suddenly, I hate myself. I'm sure he hates me too. Kami- sama.why did you do this to me? Why did I have to fall?  
  
Rukawa  
  
That smile is gone, that goofy sunny smile that was always on his face. It's gone. I wonder where it went. I miss that smile, it's sunshine. My sunshine. I want to say something, but I'm not very good at things like this. In fact, I'm not good at all.  
  
What's wrong I ask him. Sullenly of course, I can't give too much away, I'm sure he doesn't feel for me anyway. I never really understood the concept of love. It was.strange. I loved basketball, sure. But.that wasn't really love was it? Love.was something like the feelings that ran between Miyagi and Ayako. Love was ephemeral, nebulous, there but always elusive. Hey what do you know? Me, Kaede Rukawa, resident ice-fox know a bit of flowery words after all.  
  
He looks at me, surprised that I even opened my mouth. I never seem to talk to him, only grunt or stare at him. Whereas in return he would continue to prattle on and smile that sunny smile at me. I miss that sunny smile. Where had it gone?  
  
Iie, he waves his hands frantically, he's fine. He insists he's fine. Is he really? His eyes.look sad. Still that heart-stopping flashing shade of blue, but slightly sad. I missed that smile.  
  
Sendol  
  
What was that look in his eyes? His cold icy blue eyes. Eyes so deep and blue it threatens to pull you in. I don't mind. Getting pulled into those icy depths I mean. I sighed again and brush a hand through my hair. His eyes follow my every move, like a hawk. I want to smile at him.but it hurts. I can't smile anymore.  
  
Only one more hour to Christmas I tell him. Something hidden flickered in those deep depths of blue before he nodded slightly and uttered a single syllabus of "aah". Suddenly, I feel tired. So very tired. But still I stay on. Why?  
  
He looks at me again. Oh kami-sama.why must he have such piercing blue eyes? Why did I have to fall? And of all people, why must it be him? I don't understand. I wish I did. Life would be much easier if we could understand such profound things.  
  
Where is my smile? That was his soft question as he looked at me, ever so silently, ever so gently. I've never seen that look before. My.smile? Ah.he reply, face still so stoic. That idiotic smile. I feel my spirits deflate again. He just called me idiotic. I hate my life.  
  
What was that he said? He looks at me again, a long look before opening his mouth hesitantly, repeating what he just said. That sunny smile. That sunny smile of yours. That sunny smile which I love.  
  
I can't breath. It hurts. Suddenly, everything hurts. I tell him everything. How hard it is to see him smile, how I keep forcing that smile. That sunny smile which he so loved. That smile which hurts me most, because he never reacted. I closed my eyes painfully. I can't smile anymore.because it hurts too much to.  
  
He's silent. He hates me. Oh kami-sama, I know that. I really wish I never fell. Because, it hurts when you fall. When you finally reached the bottom.  
  
Rukawa  
  
I hate him. I hate him for telling me that. I hate him for telling me why he finally lost his smile. His sunny smile. My salvation from myself. I hate it. Most of all, I hate myself for hurting him. His flashing blue eyes.they're dead. No more spark. No more zest. Kami-sama, what have I done?  
  
I pushed him to his limits. I see him straightening up, before he turned to me and forced that sunny smile. I love that smile, because it reminded me of all things warm. Most of all, it reminded me of him. He can't lose that smile. It was my only link to salvation.  
  
He says he's sorry. That he'll never bother me again. I see the pain in his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. I wonder vaguely, if those pain were reflected in my own eyes. He turned to leave. Wait.was he crying? I hate myself even more. What can I do? I don't know. Because I don't understand. I wish I did.  
  
Gomen. I tell him. His back. Did he hear me? No. I don't think so. Suddenly he stops. Kaede, why are you always so cold? He asks. I wish I knew as well. He turns around and looks at me. A tear is trickling down his cheek. He brush it away; his fingers.so gentle. I want to feel those fingers as well. They're warm I bet. Everything about him is warm.  
  
I don't know. I tell him truthfully. I can never lie to him. I don't want to try. Because.he means more to me than anyone will ever be. He looks at me, long and hard. Those eyes of his, so deep and blue, so.warm. I miss warmness.  
  
He looks at me and smiled slightly. I'll miss you, he says. He's leaving. My only source of sunlight is leaving. He's smiling again. This time I can see his pain. Why did I have to hurt him?  
  
I'll miss you too. I say. His eyes widen, hope springs eternal one poet said. My face gives nothing away. I hate myself. It hurts. His eyes widen again, excuse me? I repeated myself, it hurts. Not seeing your smile. I stare at him, his face flushes. He flushes easily. Kind of adorable on him. The flush I mean.  
  
Gomen.  
  
Sendol  
  
Did he just apologize to me? Why? I can't read him. Not at all. I wonder that maybe, just maybe, it was a good thing. Maybe. The hurt inside me is reduced to a dull throbbing. I wonder why? Is it because of him?  
  
No need to apologize Kaede, I say airily. I'm such a fake. I know it. I can hardly say his name without crying. Why? And for the hundredth time, I have to ask kami-sama. Why did I have to fall? So long and so hard?  
  
He looks at me. He knows I'm lying. Damn. Am I really that easy to read? I shuffle my feet. Bad habit I know. I mentally slap myself. I should go.  
  
What do you want? He asked me again. He's speaking more than usual now. I wonder why? I wonder a lot of things about Kaede. What I want? I think carefully. I look at him again, with his cool blue eyes and stoic face.  
  
I want to celebrate Christmas with you. Just to see you smile. Even if it was just once. There, I've said it. Oh. Kami. Sama. He just stands there, with an unreadable expression on his face. I feel tired. So very tired. Why did he have to have this effect on me?  
  
He smiled. A small fleeting smile that barely touched his lips and was in front of me in an instant, cool light fingers brushing away the dark bangs on my face. I can feel him. Can he feel me? I absently look at my watch. Only one more minute to Christmas. I can't breath. He's in front of me, staring at me with his solemn blue eyes. I touch his hair. Soft, like angel's feathers. He kisses me lightly. Then he draws back. Merry Christmas Akira. He smiles. A slow curling smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth.  
  
Why?  
  
Rukawa  
  
He asked me why. How was I to answer? I shrug. But I never leave his side. I can't. You see, he's my everything, he's my salvation. He's my hope and I'm turning too much into a mush. Must make mental note to stop hanging out with Mitsui and Kogure. I'm becoming like them.  
  
He thinks about my answer. My shrug. I wonder if he knows. How much he means to me. Without that sunny smile.I won't survive. He looks at me. He's always looking at me, even during our games. Then his friend, that Kosh guy would roll his eyes.  
  
Without thinking, I lean in and kiss him again. Akira.ooh, now I'm calling him Akira already. But I digress, what I meant to say was that Akira tastes like.strawberries. Nice, soft, warm and fruity at the same time.  
  
Fruity. Sendol Akira was made up by everything I was so sadly lacking in. I like strawberries. I lean in and lick his lips. Strawberries. Sendol stares at me for another moment before that sunny smile spread over his handsome features.  
  
You taste like grapes. He tells me smiling. It's genuine. His smile I mean. I can feel the warmth. Grapes? An eyebrow goes up. Hai! He replies happily. His happiness is coming back. I'm glad. I don't want him sad. I want his smile. His goofy smile.  
  
Maybe.we're not so different after all.  
  
Ne Kaede. He whispers my name. I love it. I love him. The realization hits me like a brick. But it's true. Akira. What have you done to me? I look at you. You, with your beautiful blue eyes that flash with happiness every time you look at me.  
  
Nande? You smile. Happily. Really happily. No more angst. Arigatou. You say. Why? I ask. Because.you finally smiled at me. And I think.that made everything worthwhile. I remain silent as we stand side by side, under a sakura tree. I made you cry Akira. Gomen. I hurt you Akira. Gomen. I made you hate yourself. Gomen.  
  
He looks at me, the smile gone. A serious Sendol Akira is standing in front of me. It doesn't matter Kaede. Nothing does. No more. Not any more. Silently I agree. We can start slow. It doesn't matter. We had each other.  
  
Sendol grinned once before leaning in and kissing my forehead. Merry Christmas Kaede. Ah.Merry Christmas Akira. A white flak landed on my nose. Then, suddenly a large barge of furry flaks started falling from the sky. Hey.what do you know? It snowed after all. Somehow.Christmas turned out much better than what I had expected. Much.much better. Arigatou kami-sama. For giving me Sendol. Hontou ni, arigatou.  
  
Sendol  
  
He was smiling. Smiling like a little boy as he watched the little cold flaks come floating down from the sky. It doesn't hurt anymore. I wonder why again. Aishieteru. It slipped out suddenly. He turns and watches me with cool blue eyes. Cool.but no longer icy. Not to me.  
  
He smiles again, the ice is melting. Ahh.Aishieteru Akira. Ne Kaede.What happens when the cold snow of winter melts? I ask. Kaede ponders for a slight moment before turning to look at me. Then haru [1] comes.  
  
Ah.  
  
Maa ne.  
  
I like haru more. Said Kaede, his warm arms around me. Ahh.me too.  
  
Aishieteru.  
  
~Owari~  
  
[1] Haru - spring  
  
AN: I didn't really expect the fic to turn out like this. But life has a way of throwing the most unexpected things at you ne? Beside, if life was one long straight road, we'll all die of boredom before we reach the end. :snicker: 


End file.
